The depths of disappointment


It’s amazing how disappointment can be so consuming.

I’m not the kind of person, really, that can just let things go. I take things to heart and consider possible scenarios over and over until it breaks me.

I think what hurts most is when it’s family that’s doing the disappointing – you feel let down on a whole new level.

Perhaps I have high expectations for certain situations, but I wouldn’t have thought simple, everyday things were so out of reach. Like being polite. Perhaps I live my life with an awareness, and a common courtesy for my fellow humans – that others just don’t deem necessary.

On occasion, I’ve been the recipient of ‘react now, think later’ moments from a certain individual and I’m sure, for them, it’s a simple case of apologize and it’s over. They don’t give it a second thought.

For me though, it was clear they thought I was the person in the wrong and just let loose on me – a tirade of self-indulgent, selfish and childish behaviour. All because I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time – and it’s extremely upsetting. It’s also completely changed my opinion of their personal character – or the lack of it.

Well, my friend. My memory is long. These events stick with me and I always come back to them trying to figure out if I actually did anything to warrant this treatment – I always come up empty-handed. It’s damaging to the relationship  and my level of respect drops just a little but further each time.

It’ll get to the point where I’ll just give up entirely. I don’t want to, but I just can’t help it. I don’t have the endless energy or patience needed to constantly be in battle. It makes me angry that I’ve been unwillingly put in this position in the first place!

Then there’s the people who just seem to have a ‘me me me’ mentality. Zero awareness of anything except what’s right in front of them, how it benefits them and how they look while they’re doing it. They’d throw their own mother under the bus if it meant a quicker inheritance.

Everyone makes choices. But it’s incredibly disappointing to hear that common decency takes a back seat to laziness and bad manners.

I mean really, are general morals considered old-fashioned now? Double standards are the new ‘cool’?

They expect everyone to drop everything for them but as soon as a little effort is required on their part – nope, too hard basket. And there’s no compromise. Use whatever cliche’s you like, and I’m sure it’ll apply. It’s their way or the highway.

Exhaustion levels max out with these kinds of people in your life, but people like me plug on anyway. I smile and nod so I don’t cause offense. But inside, I’m screaming “What the actual fuck is wrong with you????”

I really hope that if I ever act like this, someone kicks my butt and tells me to get my shit together. It really isn’t cool.


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